It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
