thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
