I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
