I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
