I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
