So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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