I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
