Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I touched a dick in church today
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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