I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
