I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
