kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
