i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
