but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
