My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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