I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
