She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
