Please, let me fuck your mom
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
