I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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