Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He felt like a one man threesome
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
