Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
