You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
