There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
