My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
