I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
