I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
