If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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