So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
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I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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