You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
