So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
