You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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