Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When are your genitals available?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
