Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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