Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
