I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm both gender and math confused
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
