you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
