I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
