i was born a porn star she said
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
