i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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