last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize