i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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