You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
