do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
