nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
God, I missed his penis.
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