i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
