ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
