You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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