I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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