my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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