I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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