I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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