dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
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We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The air was thick with penises
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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