broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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