god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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