Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
