I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
