I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
