what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
that's an acceptable place to lick
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
