why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
