She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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