Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
