complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
