True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I want you more than these girls want KFC
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
