I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
