I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
