Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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