But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
