sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
