Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
