Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
