Will you blow on my dice?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
