What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
