once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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