you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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